‘Wowza, I’ve neglected this blog.’

Upon waking up this morning, I found an email notification awaiting me on my Blackberry. A couple finger pecks at the touchscreen allowed me access to a single email. In it was a nice email from a reader in Minnesota (you know who you are ) who had words of encouragement for me and who also offered some advice for me. The email was also a poignant reminder to me that I need to get off my butt and keep working on this blog and online in general.

I last posted in October and so much has transpired for me since then. I’ve made some serious progress and I’ll tell you about that in upcoming posts. I have learned so much and a close friend watching my progress from afar has marveled at the things I’m doing compared to even 6 months ago.

I’m also looking to release a series of podcasts talking about these sort of experiences.. not really sure how that’ll work out but I have all the hardware (hello, pro grade mic) and the enthusiasm necessary to make it happen.

Lots more planned… being the detail-oriented freak that I am, I reckon I better go sit down and map things out.

- K

I wrote earlier about some new coping mechanisms I’ve developed. They are definitely not
groundbreaking techniques and they’re not new, but the one thing they are is effective for
me! I wanted to write today about one technique in particular that has given me a degree
of peace when maelstroms rage in my head.

Read more…

I think there’s a common misconception out there especially among people who aren’t afflicted
with depression that depression 1) Is ‘all in your head’ 2) easily turned off like a light switch
3) a sign of just a ‘weak’ person.

As someone who’s experienced that kind of ignorant sentiment and someone who DOESN’T
like being depressed, I’d just like to simply voice that each depressed person’s story is
different. Some of us have a very biologically-based depression (brain chemicals out of
whack.) Some of us have very situationally-based depression (coping with life-altering
past traumas.) And some of us have a volatile mix of both (among other things. Sheesh!)

But there is HOPE. I’ve slowly begun to turn the tide on my own depression and while it’s
something I continue to struggle with, I am indeed getting better. More about that after
the cut!

Read more…

The last post I wrote, I was hesitant to share. It’s not groundbreaking stuff but to me, it feels
intensely personal. Exposing my struggles isn’t easy. It’s easy to write down; but I know I may
face scrutiny and criticism for what I write. Because of that, I sat down and had a Q/A with
myself, determining if sharing this stuff was something I really wanted to do after all. You’ll find
the results of that self inquiry after the cut.

Read more…

So, I’ve spent the better part of two years without any major bipolar episodes. I’ve had
ups and downs like any human being, but no dramatic, severe mood swings. Mostly, I’ve
had to contend with my anxiety. Occasionally, stuff going on in my life would get me
worked up and upset and how I handled it left a lot to be desired. But that’s not major
depression or anything.

Well, a couple days back I noticed some symptoms I hadn’t experienced in around two
years. Holding a conversation was beginning to consistently get difficult. My husband
would talk and I just couldn’t focus. I’d lose track of the conversation halfway through
and be confused. I also noticed that when I’d try to talk, I couldn’t complete full
sentences. I’d get halfway through the sentence and be unable to finish it.

Read more…

I will be running an ongoing series, ‘The Truth Behind my Struggles With Depression’, over the next several months detailing some of my experiences with depression, medication, and several other things — starting with the first in its series, ‘Part 1: Diagnosis’.

Part 1: Diagnosis

So that my readers understand more so where I’m coming from, I figured it would be a good idea to provide a run-down on the mental illnesses I’ve been diagnosed with and struggle with on a daily basis.

I was depressive back when I was 8, but it wasn’t until I was about 16 that I started showing signs of manic depression. My moods bounced back and forth without warning, from one extreme to the next. I was officially diagnosed with bipolar back then.

Fast forward several years to the birth of my second daughter. I was suffering from postpartum depression and my OB doctor decided I needed to be put on antidepressants to alleviate it. Well, as it turns out, that was the worst thing he could’ve done! Bipolar 2 patient + anti-depressants = trouble.

Read more…

Every now and then, I’ll be sharing tips and tricks I use to make my online and offline life
better. These will usually be quick, simple things. For me, even the smallest workarounds
are immensely helpful!

Hello, Junkpile.

My first tip in this column comes from years of annoyance and disorganization.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found my computer’s desktop over-run
with files I really wanted to keep but was not in the mood to deal with sorting.

It would make sense to have folders allotted for different things, of course, but
some times, we just don’t want to fuss with taking the time to sort stuff out.

So, the solution for me was creating a folder on my desktop which I aptly titled The Junkpile.

I divert all files I know that I want to keep but am too lazy to sort out into it. Doesn’t
seem like much, but I’ve noticed it’s really helped me keep my desktop clean.

Some would argue it’s like sweeping dirt under the rug, but to me — it’s nice having the files
in an easy-to-access spot and out of the way until I get up the gumption to situate them
for good.

Considering the fact that I’ll be spending a lot more time talking about mental illness
and things of that nature, I kind of felt that it was time to update the header
graphic for the blog so that it fit the blog’s current direction.

I took a couple of pictures my Mom had taken of snow-covered woods in Germany
where she lives (Thanks, Mom!) I added a picture of me (gray-toned it first), added
in the blog title, a separating line, and then a sub-title and voila — shiny, new header!

It’s funny how these graphics seem to come together almost of their own accord
after fussing with them for twenty minutes.

If you’d like to see a tutorial of how this header was created, comment on this post
and let me know!

Six years ago, I embarked on an online business with grand ideas in mind. I
wanted so badly to make it out in the online marketing world. I was naive and
though I did make some progress, I also made some major blunders too.

I’ve seen mild snippets of success and dismal, dark failures. I’ve been called
a scammer by an irate, unkind woman and praised by others for my honesty
and willingness to go that extra several miles.

During the last six years, as I’ve eluded to before, I’ve struggled with a severe
depression that threatened to kill my business, my marriage, and my life. I’ve
reached lows that some people never bounce back from.

I lost myself somewhere during that time and my desire to work online found itself
lost too. I’ve let all of my online ventures peter out. I’ve done a less than stellar
job of keeping up with people and commitments. I have a lot of regrets about how
things have unfolded, but alas, hindsight’s 20-20 and there’s nothing I can do to
change the past.

I’m not going to come on here and proclaim that ‘I’m back!’ Because, quite honestly,
I’m not the same person I was six years ago and I don’t have the same ambitions.

Some sites I kept up will be going down. I will be focusing less on the online marketing
world and more on sharing what I know and sharing the things in my life that I care
about.

I’ve had a huge writer’s block for so long and it seems to be lifting. I think part of the
lifting is due to my acknowledgment of certain shortcomings and understanding that I
need to do things a different way.

So, bottom line, I will be keeping up with this blog a whole lot. Sometimes, I’ll delve a
little into product creation, writing, and stuff that delves into online marketing. But I
will also be writing a WHOLE lot about my kids and life in general.

It’s been a long, tumultuous six years and I’m very slowly climbing out of the hole I
dug myself into. I’m looking forward to breathing some life back into this blog.